Slow down, woman!

I just want to slow down.  I really do. 

If I slow down, won't this all last a little longer? 

That's what I want. 

Why can't I have that?

I think I can.

Oh wait!  It's because I have a 2 year old that never sits still, EVER!!! EVER!!!!  And a 9 month old who is following quickly behind. 

Nevermind.

Finally!!

I stood there dripping wet in my bath towel as Miss Kaela took little Lyla away for her morning nap.  She was crying for her Mommy, which made me smile.  I actually uttered the words, “She finally LOVES me!”


And yes, I realize that is ridiculous on so many levels.  I don’t know what to say except that I said exactly what was in my heart at that moment.  I suppose, even if it comes in the form of hearing your sweet baby cry, it always feels good to be loved. 

We spend a lot of time as parents loving our children.  Someone so very dear to me has said to me MANY times, “Love is not a noun, it’s a VERB!!”  Never have I known it to be so true until I had my children.  Whooooa!!!!!  Could there be any truer statement?  Think about it….

I am missing them today.  Much more than usual, and if I’m honest (and I always will be!), there were times when I did NOT miss my kids while I was at work.  Go ahead.  Think I’m terrible.  You’ll get over yourself.  But it is true.  So my point is:  I am doing better with my balance….much better.

I am more than sure there will be many more days when I don’t miss my kids while I’m at work.  That’s just who I am.  And there was a time when I would have apologized for that.  That time has passed.  It doesn’t make me a bad Mom.  It doesn’t make me a bad person.  I just like my space.  I like time for me.  And finally, I don’t think this makes me the absolute worst Mom in the history of mankind.  Finally, I don’t feel guilty about that.

But for today, for this moment (which could quite possibly change the second I hit the door), I want to get home to my babies.  And when I get there, I really, really, REALLY want to push the pause button. 

Super Fun!!

Wow!!  It’s quiet in my house right now.  This is so rare.  The boys are at Dunkin Donuts and my Baby Girl is playing happily in the other room.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…..if my house were always this quiet, I’d be blogging all the time!!  I can actually think!!  J 

I’ve kinda realized I always have something to say.  Apparently that should not have come as such a surprise to me, according to the hubs that is!  LOL!  Yea, he probably has a point.

Anyway, today is the last day of this Spring Break thing.  Luke doesn’t go back to school until Wednesday, but I’m working tomorrow and busy all day Tuesday.  So, I can’t believe it, but I’m sad.  I’m not a mean Mommy and I LOVE these kids to death (surely I don’t have to clarify that!!), but I really thought I’d be DYING for him to get back to school just from utter exhaustion if nothing else.  It turns out….not so much!

So, there are two things to which I can attribute this, and you’re reading one of them.  I seriously think this blog is therapeutic.  Is that possible?  It’s not that I have an outlet.  I have friends (Thank God!  I love y’all, I love y’all, I love y’all!!)….one of which I text all day about this Mommyhood thing.  It’s reciprocal.  Not sure what we’d do without each other, and don’t plan on finding out!!  But I think it’s because it holds me accountable and makes me more conscious as a parent.  There is no way I am going to get on this computer and moan and groan and complain every day (like I do to said friend)!!  So, I think about things as I go along.  Almost like being on camera, but without anybody all up in my space.

And the second thing is, like I said before, I just went into this week with a totally different attitude.  “It is going to be a great week.  I will be patient.  I will be patient.  I will be patient!!”  I am a HUGE believer in getting back what you put out there.  I put the positive vibes out there and boy, they came back even bigger!!

That makes me smile! 

Now, off we go to do something SUPER FUN!!!!!!!!!

Spring Break

Spring Break has been a good week.  I thought I’d struggle because I’ve become so spoiled by having Little Man in preschool, leaving me to care for only one child all day on Monday and on Friday mornings.  That’s a nice break to which I have become accustomed.  But it’s been awesome, and I think because it was labeled with the word “break,” I actually took one.  J

There was no pressure to do anything.  We stayed home a good bit, which is VERY unlike us.  No rushing to get out the door every morning for whatever activity or play date we may have. 

We have filled our days with songs, laughs, books and making messes…snuggles, sloppy kisses, lunches with Daddy and cowboy boots!  We’ve had visits from good friends, squealing contests, wagon rides, swimming, peek-a-boo and Mom’s Night Out!  If it was silly, we did it!

There are shoes all over the house, the bed’s not made and the laundry is a mile high.  That’s pretty much always the case, but I usually care.  Not this week!

I’ve been in playmate mode all week.  I felt more like their aunt than their mom.  Nothing mattered but them.   And while I know I’ll have to go back to wearing 20 hats and spreading myself paper thin, it sure has been fun.  The kids will never remember it, but I will never forget it.

A lesson I’m really glad I learned on our first spring break and not our last!

She Was Right….Again!!!

So, am I the only one who has a drastically reduced tolerance for completely unaware people since becoming a parent!? 

I’m thinking not!

Seriously, I am sooooo much more selective about with whom we spend our time.  I truly believe that all people put off a certain energy.  And the negative energy…I’m just not feeling it.

I used to be fine with spending time with people with a less than positive energy.  My thought process was that I could pretty much bounce back from anything and keep myself in check.  I would make friends with almost ANYONE, pointing out their redeeming qualities and completely overlooking the negative.  To a fault.   My sister always told me I possessed this quality, but it really never clicked with me until I had children.  “They’re a lot more likely to bring you down than you are to bring them up,” she would say.

Now, I find myself crossing over to the other side of the fence all together.  I really feel strongly that I don’t want my children around negative, clueless people.  I realize that I cannot protect them from everything and everybody.  But aren’t they going to come across enough people and circumstances like this in life without their own parents subjecting them to it?  It is our job to protect them.  I want them to know the difference and equip them with the ability to make solid judgments on their own.  When they encounter people like this, I want it to feel strange to them, not normal.

And what do you do when these encounters simply cannot be avoided?

I really struggle with this.  There is only a very fine line between teaching your child compassion for others and guarding themselves.

I’m thinking my sister had a point.

It wouldn’t be the first time - and it surely won’t be the last!!

Oh yea, Momma!

Okay, my "Lil Girl" (as we like to call her) is wicked strong!  Seriously, she is.  She's crawling and pulling up all over the place.  She stands there and balances for like 5 seconds!  I know I'm her mother, but I happen to think that is extraordinary!!  J  My Little Man didn't even consider walking until he was 14 months old!!

Now, I know all kids are different and do all this stuff in their own time, but it just got me to thinking about something my Mom has ALWAYS told me and I now know to be the truth:  Women are soooooooooooo much stronger than men!!  LOL!  Seriously though!!  (Sorry guys!!)

This obviously is not based solely on my Baby Girls ability to do things before her big, precious angel of a brother!  I have proven the theory myself (which we won't go into) and so has pretty much every other woman I know.  But I did find it quite interesting that we're possibly BORN that way!  I think that's pretty cool!

Clearly, God knew what He was doing, making us the Mommies of these sweet babies!  LOL!

Happy Friday!!  J

I Love My Framily!

It's not a spelling error.

We live a VERY long way from our family.  It’s our choice.  This is where we’ve chosen to live, work and raise our sweet family.  But I probably don’t have to tell most of you how difficult that can be A LOT of the time…especially with kids!!  We miss them, they miss us, the kids are missing their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  Makes me terribly sad!  Not to mention the fact that you have to pay a sitter when you need to go do something as simple as a 20 minute haircut.  Ridiculous!!

It can be a lonely feeling to look around and look for the faces that are a reflection of you, the people that have known you forever, to whom you never have to explain anything, because they just know.  You know the feeling. 

However, tonight when my closest friend texted me to tell me something about her sweet baby, I cried as I felt her pain as a mother and friend, and I panicked because I love her child so much.  My heart hurt for them.  Then it occurred to me…we're not without our family.  Just the family we've always had.

They are our friends.

 

They are our family.

They are our framily!  And we are blessed!  J

And My Heart Smiles

Something pretty cool happened today. 

I have two very clear God-given gifts:  my overwhelming desire to make every child feel special and unquestionably loved, and my ability to make pretty much any interior space look really good with very little effort.  God-given.  I take zero credit.  But, knowing this about myself, I have always said I would love to create really great spaces for under-privileged children who otherwise wouldn’t have such…pro bono.

   

I could never really get my hands around what this would look like, and really placed it on the back-burner as a goal, thinking that I’d get around to that after I become rich and famous!  J  But it has been on my list FOR YEARS!  Like 15 years I’d say, at least.

Today I got a call from Youth Haven.  For those of you who don’t know Youth Haven, it is an emergency shelter for abused, abandoned and neglected children.  The only one in Collier County.  They have requested my assistance for the interior of the children’s living quarters…the common area as I understand it.  I have an appointment with them next Wednesday. 

My heart is smiling.  My whole body is smiling!!  They are so happy that I am willing to do this for them free of charge.  But they have no idea how happy they have made me. 

One more dream come true, marked off the list!!

Thanks God!!  You never fail me!

A Good Day!

Today has been a good day.  A really good day!  One of those days where you just want to push the pause button because you KNOW, no matter how many good (or bad) days you have, you will NEVER get these precious moments back.

I (finally) know that the degree of just how good a day we are having depends so much more on ME than on the kids.  They're pretty much always the same, give or take a belly ache or a new tooth or something like that.  They're little souls haven't been polluted with the need to control yet.  They can want.  They can be demanding.  They can throw a tantrum that makes you consider not claiming them if you're in a public place.  But they are certainly not ATTACHED to the need to control like we are...they don't care where they poop, squeal, run, drop food, spill milk, fall asleep, or anything else.

So, I've realized, that if I can let go of my attachment to everything going perfectly, or as planned at the very least, we always seem to have a much better day.  The problem for me is:  I am not (by nature) a very flexible person.  I'm a bit of a control freak.  I have always been fine with that, thinking that my way is the best way.  And, I must say, that has never really failed me.  It has served me quite well.  Until now.  Now I have these little people who really don't care what I think...or how I want the day to go, or whether or not I got to shave my legs, dry my hair, or have an actual conversation that lasted more than 6 seconds before some type of crashing interruption.

That's my new goal.  To slow down, chill out, stay calm, get flexible and take it all in.  Because someday I won't care if our day went as planned, I'll just wish I had it back.

Here goes!

So, here we go…! 

This is my attempt to be your “hopeful voice.” 

I am a 38 year old mother of two, an 8 month old daughter and a 2 year old son.  I am a stay at home mom; I have everything I’ve ever wanted…lacking a little bit in the sanity department on some (okay, MOST) days, but I truly have it all.  You know the drill:  kids, dog, a loving and faithful husband, health, the means to do most of whatever we want, a beautiful home, etc., etc.  But I find myself wanting MORE…

{ As my Little Man’s voice reverberates through my head, “more, more, more, more…”  J }

Maybe it’s contagious.  Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side.  Maybe I’m a spoiled rotten brat who just always wants more!  Or maybe, just maybe, I give so much, I need more for me.  Not the mani, pedi, day at the spa kind of stuff.  I need more.  Oddly enough, I need to GIVE more.  Sighhhhh….what an oxymoron.  But there it is!  It’s really that simple.  I need to GIVE more.

I love my kids.  I adore my kids.  I’ve waited my whole life to be their Mommy, stay home with them, teach them their ABC’s, how to count, to sit and color with them and all that.  But as it turns out, my life looks nothing like that.  It’s kinda crazy around our house!  (Giggle, giggle!  I really do love it!)  But I am not completely fulfilled the way I thought I’d be.  Anyone who has known me a long while is just as shocked by this as I am.

So, this is the beginning of my journey.  Not really.  There has been so much that has led up to this.  But that’s for another day…I digress.  Let’s say, this is the beginning of my public journey.  And there are butterflies in my stomach as I hunt and peck each letter.  Because I now consider this my responsibility.  I know there is so much in store for me.  I know I have a lot of lives to touch.  I know I have a lot more children in this world to make happy than just my own, and NOTHING brings me greater joy than that.  This is the start of my “more.”  (Thank you Little Man!!)

It starts now.  Please come along for the ride.  I’ll probably need a cheerleader or two.  I’ve got a lot of work to do….